Om Khaled,
My partner, my friend, my half, my all, my love, the mother of my child, my support in life. I MISS YOU I LOVE YOU.
The only reason I can bear being separated from you is your support.
I just got the photos, I'm confused about my feelings now but I'm mostly happy. It's so unfair that I can't be with you to comfort you, it's so unfair that I wait for you to get well and get back to comforting me. It is beyond unfair that I can't hold Khaled for hours the way I've held countless other babies, I gave so much love and attention to sons and daughters of friends and family. Yet I can't do the same to my own child.
I wonder how old will Khaled be when I finally get out of here, I wonder what else I will miss? His Sobo3? The first time he grips your fingers? The moment you realize he is focusing his eyes on you? Or is going to be even worse and I'll miss his first smile?
What does it feel to hold him? How does he smell? How does he sound when cries?
My son, our son, our little Khaled.
I showed the photos to everyone in the cell, they're genuinely happy for me but like everything in this cell it is all subdued, made me feel more alone and lonely.
I've been thinking a lot about our life in South Africa the bliss of just being together having an easy comfortable life, yet still doing good work. We used to comment a lot on how Egyptian youth only aspire for a home and a family and a job to support them. Turns out as usual al sha3b got it right, the day we can enjoy just being a family in Egypt while secure in the future, content in our comforts and fulfilled in our jobs is the day that revolution is complete.
Until then we'll make do by sticking together facing whatever life throws at us, knowing that as long as we are all one all is fine.
I miss you so much it hurts, I guess you know the feeling, I'm overwhelmed by how unfair it is, how meaningless it has become at this stage, but I know we are both in good hands, Khaled is blessed with the unconditional love of not just his parents but large extended families and hundreds of aunts and aunties, I hope he grows to appreciate it all.
Alaa,
6-12-2011
cell 6/1 ward 4
Tora prison
